“Wow. You kinda suck.”
I glared at Kelly. But her blunt candor was one of the things I appreciated the most about her.
We were sitting at one of our favorite pubs, unwinding after a hectic week. When I had finished filling her in on the last time Jamie had spoken to me, her jaw dropped open and she told me what I already knew.
I groaned, putting my face in my hands.
“I shouldn’t have called him. I know that now. But I missed him! I wanted to see him so badly. I mean, my feelings for him haven’t changed. But I’m just not ready. I need to see this through.”
Kelly swallowed the last of her wine and shook her head at me.
“Do you, though? What exactly do you think you’ll gain from this little journey?”
Heaving a sigh that carried all the heaviness in my heart, I grabbed our empty glasses and headed toward the bar.
“I’m gonna need at least a couple more of these to try to explain that.”
I was lost in my own head while I waited for the fresh glasses of wine – my Moscato, Kelly’s Merlot. It hadn’t escaped my attention that my behavior had been pretty callous. I didn’t think about anything past my own selfish wants and, because of that, I had again hurt the one person I loved most in the world.
After he left, Jamie didn’t take my calls. I tried several times, leaving at least three messages. Finally, I got a text.
I just can’t right now, Lex. I need a minute.
I had cried when I read that.
I’m so sorry.
That exchange had been six days ago. I hadn’t tried to reach him again, and there was radio silence on his end, too.
Maybe I should just drop all of this. I loved Jamie, he loved me – what else did I need to know? I should just plan this wedding and settle into marital bliss with the better half of me.
But I knew I couldn’t do that. Not yet.
I wasn’t just being obstinate when I said I needed to see this through, that it was important to me. There were things in my life I had to face, things I wanted to iron out or tie up or resolve. If I was going to be the wife he deserved and start a life with Jamie that would be forever, I couldn’t walk away.
“Well, well…look what the cat dragged in.”
Without looking up, I knew the face I’d see. I didn’t want to turn around. I wanted to will him away simply because he was one of the biggest mistakes of my life.
And because I didn’t have the energy to be civil rather than tell him to fuck off in the middle of a crowded club.
Dark hair and brown eyes leaned across the bar, forcing himself into my line of vision. I pretended that I hadn’t heard him and that I was shocked to find him staring me in the face.
“Doug! What in the world are you doing here?”